It ain't over til....

...the ring comes off. Lately I've been thinking a lot about Kate Gosselin and all she's dealing with. On the 'Today' show, she told Meredith that she wasn't quite ready to take off those rings, even though it's clear to everyone (except maybe Regis) that her relationship with John is over.

Wedding rings symbolize so much....literally, an everlasting circle of love. So, in the midst of a divorce, just when do you take off the ring? It's signifying the end of an era, a chapter in your life closing. Oftentimes, when I see women in therapy that are moving through a divorce, we discuss what this ring means to them. And through this process, we grieve for "what is" right now, what "was" in the past, and what "won't be" in the future. This kind of grieving takes time. Taking off this outward symbol of your marriage lets others know that you are really, truly moving on.

So, I suggest to women that we make a ritual of this ending, as you may have made a ritual of the beginning of this ring with a wedding. You can build this ritual any way you like-maybe it's a party with friends, maybe you sell this ring, maybe you turn it into another piece of jewelry....maybe you literally toss it. I once had a client who threw a "Get My Rock Off" party. You can just imagine what that like was night.... :-)

This is an individual decision, and only you can decide when and how the ring comes off. But please know that with this sadness comes an opening....a new path to travel down. Like clearing the brush out of your way, so you can travel unencumbered...