Therapeutic Musings

Fat Girl Yoga!!!

2012-01-23T10:08:00.000-05:00

An amazing client sent me this article, and I just had to repost here. Read it, ladies. It rocks.

2012-01-06T08:45:00.003-05:00

If you haven't seen it already, check out this rad article from the NY Times about new weight research!
Find it here!

Have Pregnancy Fears?

2012-01-02T16:43:00.001-05:00

Check out this sweet article written by Amanda Baltazar on Parents.com! It discusses common fears of pregnancy and how you might overcome them! Fear #4 features some quotes from me!

You can see it here! Thanks Amanda, and Parents.com!

2011-12-31T10:39:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year! Let's have a kinder, gentler, 2012.

I want to talk to you about resolutions. I mean, who can really stick to those things? We usually say we're going to "join a gym and GO" or, my personal favorite for many MANY years was always "Lose Weight". I think resolutions are a prime example of our "all or nothing" thinking. And, it's not healthy. What comes after you 'break' the resolution? A lot of shame, guilt, and should-ing all over yourself. Stop it!

How can we have a gentler, more compassionate approach to 2012? I've been pondering this myself over the last few weeks, and here's what I've come up with:

Think about SMALL changes that you can live with, rather than a HUGE, unrealistic goal that feels unattainable. What's the one thing you can do RIGHT NOW to make a change?
Ask for help. Ask for whatever support you need in attaining your goals from those around you who love and care about you! Be real specific about the kind of support you need!
If you aren't consistent, instead of beating yourself up, observe why you haven't been able to "do it", and say "Isn't that interesting!?!" And then, if you wish, begin again.

This is what I'm trying this year...a compassionate, loving approach to having more fun and playing more in 2012! I wish you all the best in the coming year!

2011-12-30T09:00:00.000-05:00

Movie Review Time!!!

When I saw this movie, I was kind of blown away, because the main character, Mavis, is having a late-in-life Quarter Life Crisis! Sure, she's not 25, she's 37-but she's certainly acting 25! In many ways, Mavis is like so many women I see....maybe drinking too much, feeling disconnected, stuck idealizing a life that "could have been", and literally pulling out her own hair.

I thought this was such a interesting, realistic portrayal (ok, maybe a little exaggerated) of a woman lost...her career is ending, her marriage has ended...and maybe she's clinging a little to closely to what feels familiar. An old high school boyfriend and a life that wasn't.

So Spoilers Alert: Mavis is also clearly grieving the loss of a pregnancy that she miscarried at age 19, with this high school boyfriend. I see this A LOT in my private practice. Ladies, let me be clear. When we don't deal with these things emotionally at 19, they will reappear later in life to make friends with us once again. Good news though-you can heal from stuff like this, and sometimes just a little guidance from a professional is necessary.

Do yourself a favor, and invest in some therapy now! I imagine a nice ending for Mavis, that she goes back to her big city life, and calls a therapist to hook herself up with some reality based emotional health!!! You go girl!

If you're thinking about making an appointment, email me! We'll figure out a plan for you, before you, like Mavis, try to make out with your high school ex-boyfriend. This is one area of life where I can't encourage recycling.

"Critical" Thinking...

2011-12-27T08:15:00.000-05:00

Happy Holidays! So I've noticed something about myself...and I bet you've noticed too....I'm incredibly bad at keeping up the blog. Really bad. Like, really.

So, I'm not going to let the judgement part get in the way. I've decided instead to see how I can make the blog more fun for me, and therefore, more fun and informative for you! This is a more gentle, and mindful, approach. Heck, I've been BUSY! And the blog was like...the last thing on the list. :-(

The goal is to have at least three posts a month, including a new feature called "What I'm Reading". I read a TON and often end up recommending various books to clients, so now you'll be able to get a jump on all the goodness!

In other news, the holidays have descended upon us, and New Year's is just around the corner...Lots of you have been asking me how to stay sane, and I guess the answer for me has always been to take a few items from my heavy "to do" list, and just cross them off. This year, we did not send Christmas cards. Nope. Didn't do it. Oh, and those Christmas cookies? I got around to them yesterday. After Christmas.

Consider this in your own life-what can you cross off, and how can you be compassionate with yourself when your critic pops up?

PRACTICE UPDATES!!!:

I'm still accepting new clients in Waltham, so email me to sign up!
New workbook programs may be available soon-ask me if you are interested!

Book Online!

2011-06-25T08:33:00.001-04:00

See that? NO, not THAT. That button over there. To the right! That's one way you can now book your appointment online! So go for it!

This means you can safely and securely schedule your appointments in either office, 24 X 7, at your own convinience! You can also cancel appointments as well.

So what are you waiting for???

Where Have I Been?

2011-05-01T13:35:00.004-04:00

Hey Everyone,

Once again, I've done a disappearing act for a while-but I'm back! Here's some exciting news:

The Brookline Office has officially moved-the new address is 1093 Beacon Street, Suite 404B, Brookline, MA 02446. We're right at the St. Mary's stop on the green line-take the elevator to the 4th floor. It's even a little bit more cozy than the old office, if you can imagine that.

The Waltham Office is now open on Mondays, Thursdays, and Fridays!

I spent a week in Paris and have decided we all must live more French. C'est bon! Above is a picture of me with the Eiffle Tower growing from my head. :-)

I'm currently reading "The Mindful Way Through Anxiety", by Sussan Orsillo and Liz Roemer. I heart Liz, I saw her speak during my certificate program through the Institute of Meditation and Psychotherapy.

Currently, I have a waiting list for BOTH offices. Abundance is wonderful, I'm so proud of all of you for seeking your truest selves with me! Some tips about the waiting list-it's easier to get in to the Waltham office, daytime hours, if you have that kind of flexibility!

I've been attending some amazing conferences, sponsored by MaMHCA. If you're a professional looking for some CEU's, their programs are informative and fun! And, I'll be attending the national AMHCA conference in San Francisco in July!

Expect magnificent changes and upgrades to the website, business cards, and brochures, after I have new publicity photos taken by my awesome photog pal, Katie Jane!

That's about all the news for now. After my amazing vacation, I can't help but think about how to savor this "vacation" feeling. There's something really cool about actually taking time to savor a slow lunch, walk through a public garden....enjoy your surroundings. I'm working on bringing this attitude to my everyday life!

2011-01-08T11:08:00.002-05:00

SNOW DAY!!! Aren't those two of the best words in the English language? And while we're merely getting a few inches, I am having a self-imposed snow day.

Today, it's all about pajamas, bad television (mostly reality TV), and puppy snuggles.

Snow days are like the free space in Bingo. A time to truly be off....to not answer the phone, to not go anywhere or be obligated to anything. I think we should all take a snow day once in a while. It's good for the soul.

We're making pot roast in the slow cooker, oatmeal craisen cookies with white chocolate chips, and maybe even a little eggplant parm for tomorrow. And, maybe we'll even shovel.

It's this kind of hibernation that makes winter worth it. So allow yourself an occasional snow day, to relax, unwind, and have permission to chill.

Isn't It Funny....

2010-12-05T20:15:00.002-05:00

Hey, I know it's been a while, but, like most of us, I've had a lot going on! I did want to talk to you about an issue that's come up with a LOT of clients lately, since it's the holidays and we're all seeing loooonggg lost friends.

So today I was couching it, watching "Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion", perhaps one of the best movies of all time. I was struck particularly when Romy is at the reunion, and sees the one of the most popular girls in school. She asks her, hey, where's the rest of the A crowd? And the 'mean girl' says, "We don't really hang out anymore"...and Romy quips "Isn't it funny when you're not friends with your friends anymore?".

I must say, I think we all kinda of feel like this around this time of year. So many of us struggle with seeing our childhood and highschool friends...and maybe now...we've not much to say to each other. Because really, would we pick this person to be our friend NOW?

This is a lot of the work I've been trying to do with folks lately-our friends fill different spots in our lives than they used to-and the same goes for them as well. Many women have told me that they feel they aren't on the same path as their old friends, and now feel judged...I think you need to reconsider the friendship and its worth.

I'm not saying toss the baby out with the bathwater-I'm just saying, maybe not all the eggs in one basket. After all, the movie is about two highschool BFF's that are still roommates after ten years post-graduation. However, those friends you see but once a year.....it's ok if you lost your other half of that BFF necklace! You're a different person than you were in highschool, and it's totally normally that these friendships would morph and grown...and it's a rare and lovely friendship that indeed survives.

So take heart ladies....it is funny when we're not friends with our friends anymore...and awkward and sad....but also cool. Because you've probably got some new friends who love and appreciate the you NOW.

Chelsea's Married....

2010-08-01T11:33:00.002-04:00

Chelsea and her man are finally married, and I have to say, it was a wedding I was drawn to peep at! No, Brookline's Therapist for Women was not invited to the Clinton's big day, but it got me thinking a lot about the kind of pressure weddings tend to cause!

It's that time of year, I'm headed to a bridal shower for a friend this afternoon, in fact. And many brides-to-be can't even comprehend the amount of stress they will face when planning and having their nuptials. One way to combat this kind of stress is to seek some therapy before the big day!

It might sound nuts, but having an impartial, non-judgemental place to vent and discuss your wedding stress can be a godsend. Family and friends can be well-meaning, but often their own agendas and feelings might get in the way.

Think about it: your whole life is about to change. You're about to make a life long commitment to one person-forever. Even if you don't have "issues from childhood", this kind of stuff is bound to bring us some feelings-and therapy is a great way to process them.

Here are some additional ways to get through the hard part, so that you can realize the wedded bliss:

If you can, enlist in an event planner. Delegate delegate delegate!
Keep it simple. Remember, it's the marriage that REALLY counts, the wedding is merely six hours of your whole life.
Have no regrets. Don't like cousin Bob? Seeing him once every ten years at family reunions doesn't mean he needs to come. Who do you really want to witness this?
It's all about you-AND your partner. Keep the focus on being a team, and treat each other with kindness and respect. Cool off often, and don't let arguments get out of control.

Well, there you have it...just a couple of ways to help alleviate some of that wedding stress, and keep you from becoming bridezilla! Remember, it's always a good time to start therapy....but right before your wedding is one of the BEST times to invest in yourself!

Congrats Chelsea!!!

I'll get by with a little help from my friends...

2010-07-29T07:02:00.002-04:00

Turns out friends make you live longer.....who knew!

More Practice Updates!

2010-07-19T13:16:00.002-04:00

These updates have been a long time coming, but they're finally here!!! I'm proud to offer two locations for clients to be seen; our same great location in Brookline on Harvard Street, and a new location in Waltham! The Waltham office offers close highway access, free parking, and a "home-ier" environ! Please note that the Waltham office does have two pets that live near, so if you have allergies, you may wish to be seen in Brookline.

Also, please note that for clients who do not have a sliding scale or insurance, my rate has gone up to $135.00 per session. I have not raised rates since starting my practice in 2007.

All of these changes have made me think about transitions...how do we handle change? Do we embrace it, open-armed? Do we run? Hide under the covers? I'm learning to handle transitions with grace and allow for what is to BE.

Next time change is around the corner, see if you can embrace whatever it brings!

Look for more posts soon, and I hope you're staying cool in all this heat. Let me know if you have any questions about any of the recent updates!

Where's Jessica?

2010-04-22T16:53:00.002-04:00

Lately, I've been uber busy teaching, attending conferences, and seeing clients! It's time to tell you just where to find me, and some BIG practice news!

Firstly, I'll be at the MaMHCA Job & Career Fair, helping out, this Friday in Mansfield!
THEN, look for my table with Sante Health Counseling at the 2010 Partners in Perinatal Health Conference on May 18th!
And Lastly, the BIG news! Our office is moving to the lower level of 129 Harvard Street! Same great convenient location, just go DOWNstairs instead of up! We move this weekend, so as of Monday, you'll find us in our new location, toward the back of the building and through the glass door.

I will check in more as time allows! Remember your self-care!

Food Addiction Like a Cocaine?

2010-03-29T07:50:00.004-04:00

Food Addiction Like a Cocaine?

Posted using ShareThis

Self-Care = Selfless

2010-01-24T09:11:00.002-05:00

Oh my, it's been some time since I've had a moment to write. I just got back from my new favorite thing, "honoring my body" (thanks Oprah!). This is my new term for exercise!

Anyway, I wanted to tell you about this amazing event that Megan Mountcastle and I just did at Mini Luxe in Newton! It was a fabulous night of healthy snacks, women sharing, and mani/pedi's! We discussed Healthy Beauty, which we believe starts from the inside out. Here's the highlights of my Mini Luxe talk, just in case you missed it!

Essentially, when you feel your best, you often look your best. I think back to my wedding day-I really was a blushing bride! I fully felt my best, I had been preparing for months by working out and eating healthy, and on that day, I truly glowed. Think about when you felt your best-how did you look?

Also, I often like to think about someone I admire, someone I find truly beautiful....during our talk, I asked some of you who that person was for you. Some of the responses were people such as Jennifer Aniston, Michelle Obama, and Oprah...but my personal admiration always goes to Princess Diana. Regal, royal, gorgeous, and mostly an amazing humanitarian, it's hard to pin down the qualities that make her fabulous. But I'm betting she had a secret to her amazing life--you cannot expect to give to others unless you are giving to yourself FIRST.

I sometimes use the example of airline safety-you have to put your own oxygen mask on before your kid's. Right? It makes so much sense.

So why then, do we run ourselves ragged, giving to others, without a thought to ourselves? Why is it always our needs that get cut off the list first?

Stress is all around us-it affects everyone differently and everyone has a different tolerance. But a universal truth is that when stress hits, our body has a chemical reaction that releases the stress hormone Cortisol. Cortisol is actually a toxin to the body that can suppress immune function and also has been shown to slow weight loss.

How do you combat Cortisol and your body's natural stress response? You can't....it happens with or without you, so to speak. BUT you can temper your reaction to stress, which can help to re-wire parts of your brain and eventually reduce Cortisol. One way to do this is by implementing regular self-care.

There are several ways to take care of ourselves, and some of them we do and don't always count, like making sure you have a regular physical and dental cleaning. Here are some others that people shared during our talk: working out, eating healthy, Mani/Pedi's @ Mini Luxe!, getting a massage, going to book club, girl's night out.

How do you make the time to do these things for yourself? One way is to schedule it like you would any other activity. Your needs should be just as important as that play date or business lunch. And a path to this is sometimes enlisting a friend-you are responsible for making sure she gets her self-care in, and she's responsible for making sure you get yours.

Thanks for checking in, and we hope to have more events hosted by Mini Luxe in the future! Until next time, remember, only you can take care of you!

Merry Merry....

2009-12-25T18:46:00.002-05:00

Merry Merry, one and all. I can't stop thinking about what a tremendous year of growth it's been for both myself and many of my clients and students. I'm so proud of everyone! I hope everyone has made the best out of this often stressful day, and remember to take a moment to just breath it all in.....

Peace and Eggnog,

Jessa

Cool article...

2009-12-01T21:14:00.000-05:00

Here's another one about SAD! Go turkery boxes!

Taking Time to SLOOOOWWW Down...

2009-11-11T08:31:00.003-05:00

Sometimes in life, you don't really get a choice. If you've been around me lately, you know what I'm talking about. That's right; I'm talking about my brand new, sexy air cast. I tore my calf muscle in my left leg (don't ask), and I've been sporting this awesome boot ever since.

But that's not really what I want to tell you about. What I want to tell you about is the near emotional breakdown I had right after it happened. After my lovely 4 hour trip to the ER, I realized that there was NO WAY I was going to make it to work on Monday. Or Tuesday. Or maybe even Wednesday. I anticipated that it might feel like a snow day....but no-I was panicked. I NEED to be working! What about the group I'm planning, and my clients, and the two classes I'm teaching? Who is going to do all that!?

So, as I sat on my couch, flipping out, I called a wise friend. And she said, "Jess, you just have to surrender to this". Boy, did I ever. I resisted those words. No way, I thought, I just have to push through. But an hour later, when the pain was at its worst, I decided she was right. White Flag, people-I surrender.

Now that I'm feeling better and back in the game, this process is fascinating me. Clearly I reached a point where the choice to fight life was just not going to be an option....and when I surrendered to this situation, something happened....a quiet kind of calm overtook me. And I relaxed.

I encourage all of us to think about this concept of surrendering....what are you fighting? What's in your control? What's beyond you? And what can you gain by letting go?

In the meantime, you'll see me hobbling around...with my white flag held high.

Brookline Adult Education

2009-11-08T08:57:00.001-05:00

Time to sign up, peeps!

Upcoming Fun!

2009-10-28T20:18:00.003-04:00

Hey, it's been a while since I've had time to post! Fall is in full swing, and many great things are on the horizon at my practice! I did want to take a moment and acknowledge that it's getting darker, and gloomier outside...one way that I suggest people manage this is with a "Day Light".

Originally created to help birds in captivity breed more effectively, the "day light" can trick your circadian rhythm into thinking it's still summer. Awww, sweet sweet sunshine! I suggest using the light first thing in the morning, before 9AM. I use mine on my desk while I'm checking morning emails. Oh, and my dog loves it too.

Now, onto the fabulous happenings at the practice:

I'm looking to start a Women's Stress Reduction & Wellness group in January! Space in the group is limited-we'll be meeting for six weeks, for an hour and a half every week! This group is a great chance to get to know other women, learn how to manage your stress, and connect on a whole new level. Megan Mountcastle, HHC, of 'Sante Health Counseling' will be co-leading this group, adding her sense of health, wellness, and intuitive nutrition. If you'd like more info on joining, please contact me right away!
Megan and I will also be teaching a class on stress reduction for women at the Brookline Adult Education Center! Look for us in the winter catalog!
MiniLuxe is my most favorite self-care lately....and Megan and I will be speaking at the Newton location on January 21st! Look for more details about this even coming soon!
Are you a recessionista dying for therapy, but can't part with the cash right now? Fret no longer! Starting in January 2010, Jessica will now be able to accept several health insurances!!! That's right-the great therapy you love, paid for by your insurance. Want to know more? Email me for details!

Ok, that's about all that's keeping me busy for now! Rember, the best way to combat all this Halloween candy is by listening deep inside for what you're really craving....and let yourself have it-be it a Resse's Peanut Butter Cup, or an Arugala Salad with fresh lemon and dash of pepper!

A treat!

2009-09-24T16:04:00.000-04:00

Here's an article I wrote for a guide for new mothers!

Updates!

2009-09-17T07:03:00.002-04:00

So, Fall is super-duper busy 'round these parts! Here are some updates for what's going on!

"Fall Into A New You" is happening Saturday at the Coolidge Corner Library! There's still time to sign up, if you haven't already! Just send me an email if you'd like to attend!
I'm now an adjunct professor at Lesley University! Thanks, Lesley!
I've been elected Secretary of Mass. Mental Health Counselor Association! What an amazing way to see advocacy in action for LMHC's!
Look for Megan Mountcastle, HHC and myself in the winter catalog for Brookline Adult Education! It's still in the works, but we hope to be teaching a class for women on stress management and healthy living!
I'm now on Twitter! http://twitter.com/jessfoleylmhc

I think that's about everything that's happening here! It's getting darker and darker, earlier and earlier, so those of you who are utilizing light therapy-time to turn on those "day lights" for at least a half hour in the mornings!

A Forever Home....

2009-09-13T19:07:00.002-04:00

I usually like to reserve this space to talk about issues related to therapy and mental health, but I had a magical experience today, and I wanted to share.

A year ago last June, we adopted Figment. A lot of you know and love Figment, sometimes he even comes to my office and serves as co-therapist.

We adopted him from "Forever Home Rescue", located in Walpole, MA. One lick, and we were hooked.

Since then, he's been an amazing pet, and a good friend. We love him lots, and we're pretty sure he enjoys us.

But today, at the "PetRock Fest", sponsored by Forever Home, we actually met Figment's foster family from down south, where he was found in a dumpster. Hugging this family meant so much to us-and they loved seeing Fig all grown up and happy.

Please, if you're looking for a pet, adopt a shelter dog. And remember to spay & neuter.

My boy has some issues, no doubt, but nothing that some hard work and love hasn't fixed. Thanks so much to all the folks along the way that took care of Figment until we could find him and take him home.

Even Chris Brown Wants Counseling....

2009-09-04T16:19:00.001-04:00

maybe it's time to try therapy!!!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32693971/ns/entertainment-celebrities/

RIP, Teddy

2009-08-27T07:47:00.000-04:00

"For all those whose cares have been our concern, the work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives and the dream shall never die." -- Senator Ted Kennedy, 1932-2009

New Referral Time!

2009-08-23T18:06:00.002-04:00

It's that time of year....the Fall fast approaches! With all that's gone on this summer, isn't it time to come back to therapy? Or maybe it's your first time! Perhaps you've just moved to Boston?

Hey, anytime is a good time for therapy! I'm now accepting new referrals for the fall, check out my website for all the details!

Robert Wright Blog

2009-08-21T09:18:00.002-04:00

An interesting article here. It's hysterical and reminds me very much of my own experiences on retreat. Namaste, Kristen, who passed it along to me!

Hoard No More!!!

2009-08-17T17:13:00.003-04:00

Just a quick post to tell you my latest book obsession, "Throw Out Fifty Things", by Gail Blanke. The book is an amazing room by room guide to clearing life's clutter. What I love about Gail is that she goes through this process with you, showing you what she's doing too. Near the end of the book, you get to the meat: throwing out all of the emotional baggage that's holding you back.

Which is why you kept all the crap in the first place, right?

Also, check out Gail's website here, it's great and also provides a workbook to help you navigate throwing out your own stuff for FREE.

And, just to make you smile, here's some of the stuff I threw out. I thought it would be easy, but the task to throw out fifty things in two weeks is tough. Also, ten shirts=one thing. yikes! Get your trash bags ready!

Jess's Toss List:

old hoodie from Block Island that looks like my gram might like it
some scary costume jewelry
old wires that went to some computer equipment....why am I keeping those?
a ceramic frog that broke-when it fell off the shelf, I didn't have the heart to get rid of it, but I see now that it's a broken frog collecting dust

So there you have it! My suggestion; read it and start clearing the way for healing!

It ain't over til....

2009-08-12T10:25:00.002-04:00

...the ring comes off. Lately I've been thinking a lot about Kate Gosselin and all she's dealing with. On the 'Today' show, she told Meredith that she wasn't quite ready to take off those rings, even though it's clear to everyone (except maybe Regis) that her relationship with John is over.

Wedding rings symbolize so much....literally, an everlasting circle of love. So, in the midst of a divorce, just when do you take off the ring? It's signifying the end of an era, a chapter in your life closing. Oftentimes, when I see women in therapy that are moving through a divorce, we discuss what this ring means to them. And through this process, we grieve for "what is" right now, what "was" in the past, and what "won't be" in the future. This kind of grieving takes time. Taking off this outward symbol of your marriage lets others know that you are really, truly moving on.

So, I suggest to women that we make a ritual of this ending, as you may have made a ritual of the beginning of this ring with a wedding. You can build this ritual any way you like-maybe it's a party with friends, maybe you sell this ring, maybe you turn it into another piece of jewelry....maybe you literally toss it. I once had a client who threw a "Get My Rock Off" party. You can just imagine what that like was night.... :-)

This is an individual decision, and only you can decide when and how the ring comes off. But please know that with this sadness comes an opening....a new path to travel down. Like clearing the brush out of your way, so you can travel unencumbered...

Another Quarter Lifer Gets Angry....

2009-08-03T07:17:00.003-04:00

I saw this in on Boston.com this morning....apparently a woman in NYC is so beside herself with joblessness that she is suing her college for tuition (70K). If only we had all had this bright idea. I'll be interested to see what happens....

It's just showing me that you're still out there....graduates who remain unfulfilled and unemployed, with all of the promise of a bright, degree-bearing future. C'mon over to therapy, and I'll show you how we roll!

FINALLY! Website Updates!

2009-08-02T19:43:00.002-04:00

It's been a while, but finally, the website is UPDATED! Check it out-look for new features like easy to spot link buttons, updated resources, pictures of the new office, and more information on insurance issues!

I look forward to utilizing technology to spread the word about good therapy! And even using technology to provide good therapy! In the future, I'm looking into expanding into to online counseling! Keep checking back in to find out more!

Tightening the Belt

2009-07-26T08:42:00.002-04:00

Last night, I had a conversation with my partner that made me really think. We had the "Financial State of the Union" talk. I feel like everyone is having this talk, and we had it later than some, earlier than some. I realized that a LOT of emotions were coming up-some were irrational fears, and other were very real. I wanted to let you know that there are ways you can take control of your finances and not live in this constant state of denial. It does mean several scary things, however: facing up to your real spending habits, looking at your actual debt, and subsequently tightening your belt to stop the bleeding. Here are some tips that I thought were helpful:

Track every darn penny for one month. I mean it. Every cent. Everyone always talks about that morning latte, but the things I missed were silly: automatic payments from my checking, medical stuff like co-pays, and gas. Compile this list religiously. It will help you become more aware of spending, and we'll use this list to help us stop. Note any feelings that arise while writing this list. Were you scared? Excited? Nauseous?
After a month, compile the list in an excel file. Check it out. Categorize the spending. Where is all of your money going? Most of mine cycles back into my business, oddly enough. This was emotional for me-where is it all going? Once I got a realistic look at how I was spending, I was then able to take action.
Decide where to tighten. This was the hard part. Suddenly, I was a junkie going cold turkey. No more spending on these five things. No more plastic. And it's absolute, not like my diet where I can cheat. It's like that Saturday Night Live skit-"you mean if I want to buy something, I have to have the money to pay for it?". It's a novel idea, but one whose time has come.

Emotionally, this can all feel overwhelming, But it's interesting to me how our spending can mirror our internal emotional environment. Like, what else are we in denial about? Will being honest about our spending help us be honest about other things? Like all changes in life, this will take some getting used to. By cutting out the things we can live without, we realize and appreciate what we actually have.

Negativity Rules!

2009-07-08T11:03:00.002-04:00

So sometimes being positive can really suck. This article in TIME discussed how negativity can actually be a positive. Or rather how accepting feeling negative can make all the difference!

Thanks to my friend Amanda for pointing it out to me!

Check it out here.

ehow.com

2009-07-04T19:32:00.001-04:00

Hey Happy 4th, everyone! Just wanted to let you know that in addition to blogging, I've also started writing articles for ehow.com! Go check it out!

Meditation Rocks!

2009-06-30T15:35:00.001-04:00

Check out this article from USA Today!

Smash Shack: Anger Done Safely

2009-06-15T12:19:00.006-04:00

Lately, I've been pretty pissed off.

A lot of anger is floating around, making a mess of things. Often I work with clients around how to manage anger appropriately, and what to do with all of those feelings-just how do you release them?

One option that always comes up is breaking stuff. This always presents some issues:

Maybe you don't have your own stuff to break. Or maybe it's more fun to break someone else's stuff.

Could be that it's not so safe to break stuff where you live. I live in an apartment-not so great for throwing objects without other objects getting injured.

Noise level. Perhaps whilst breaking things, you like to additionally release by screaming loudly. This could just be me.

Relax, my dear ones. There is a place for those of us only satisfied by hurling bits of crockery across a room. It's called "Sarah's Smash Shack", in San Diego, CA. I know it's a long ways away from Boston, but it just might be worth it for all they have to offer.

Not only does the Shack provide the room to throw stuff, they can also sell you the stuff to throw. You can come alone or with your friends. You can bring your own music (perhaps some 'Rage Against the Machine").

And, they now have a mobile set up, where the smashing can come to you.

This brilliant safe release of anger must make it's way to the East.....

But in the meantime, we can get ready by practicing in our basements with protective goggles. Kudos to Sarah and Ed, for making a therapeutic tool accessible to the masses!

"The Hidden Feelings of Motherhood"

2009-05-29T20:38:00.002-04:00

Recently I read this amazing book from Kathleen Kendall Tackett, and I wanted to let you know how much it rocked. The title drew me in, and the content got me hooked.

Kendall-Tackett discusses how the changing face of motherhood in the 21st century has presented moms with new challenges in addition to bearing old burdens (dinner, laundry, etc). She discusses how stress and additional work burdens literally create burnout, a condition accepted for many other professions....and moms get it too.

The author really does a nice job of laying out that it's OK to have these "hidden feelings" and that it's time we start talking about it-because let's face it, ladies, sometimes this job sucks. She also delicately addresses what it's like for survivors of sexual abuse to experience depression during early motherhood, and how depression manifests in moms who tragically loose their children.

Overall, I think it's a nice read for both professionals and lay-moms alike! Cheers-grab a kleenex, your journal, and a phone to call your friends while you read "The Hidden Feelings of Motherhood".

New Furniture

2009-05-02T08:56:00.002-04:00

I'm proud to announce that our office has some new furniture! Enjoy! The plush, comfy, "chair & a half" seating lets you vent in style. C'mon in and see for yourself!

Hikikomori, or "The Art of Failure"

2009-04-26T20:13:00.002-04:00

According to Wikipedia, Hikikomori is:
"lit. "pulling away, being confined", i.e., "acute social withdrawal") is a Japanese term to refer to the phenomenon of reclusive individuals who have chosen to withdraw from social life, often seeking extreme degrees of isolation and confinement because of various personal and social factors in their lives. The term hikikomori refers to both the sociological phenomenon in general as well as to individuals belonging to this societal group."

I find this fascinating given all of my work with those women experiencing quarter life crisis. Imagine men (and apparently some women) halfway across the globe, refusing to leave their parent's homes and staying up all night, playing video games and such. Typically, this condition occurs for the eldest son of a Japanese family, after experiencing some sort of failure, either academic or social. Obviously, social conditions in Japan for men are terribly different than they are for American women....different pressures, different expectations....

OR are they? Both groups experience a level of expected perfection that is hardly obtainable, particularly with America's recent downturned economy. Today's college educated women are entering a job market where their own parents are having trouble finding employment.

So some of the conditions of Hikikomori are certainly parallel to what's happened here. For instance, Wikipedia states that the affluence of middle class families has allowed for adult children to move back home, or stay longer than they otherwise would if their families could not support them based on lower income-this is true in the US as well. More young women are returning home, tail betwixt legs, feeling completely and utterly like they have failed both themselves and their parents. This guilt and shame is overwhelming.

Parents are also blamed for the condition in Japan. It is said that "soft parenting", or allowing children to isolate and create an overdeveloped mother-child bond sets up the conditions for Hikikomori kids. Here in the US, I believe this is somewhat true as well. Parents of my clients often miss warning signs of depression, and allow their kids to isolate at home for too long. It seems that parents these days think they are doing their kids a big favor by letting them live at home until age 45. Not so much. Do your kids a solid, and come up with a 6-12 month plan to get your kids back on their own.

Lastly, the Japanese job market has mirrored the US in that kids of this generation can't count on working with the same company for the next 35 years. Without the direction of such a clear life goal, says Wikipedia, these kids feel lost and disenchanted.

While some have related the disorder to autism, I agree more with the theory that it stems more from trauma and PTSD. I think about this framework a lot when working with young women who are done with schooling, and are struggling with the realities of working in today's economy and having to rely on their folks for help. To me, a lot of the symptomology can be the same. And the treatment, remarkably similar.

As one counselor said in a NY Times article,
"When they call," Dr. Saito said, "I offer them three choices: 1) Come to me for counseling; 2) Kick your child out; 3) Accept your child's state and be prepared to take care of him for the rest of your life. They choose Option 1." He also offers poignantly simple parenting tips, like not leaving dinner at a child's doorstep. "You make dinner and call him to the table, and if he doesn't come then let him fend for himself." In addition to meals, parents often provide monetary allowances for their adult child, and in rare cases, if a child has become verbally or physically abusive, parents move out, leaving their home to the shut-in. "

I find the parallels fascinating, and the pressure for middle-class American women to be educated (in schools they can no longer afford), and successful in a career (that is no longer waiting for them upon graduation) to create similar conditions to those boys across the globe suffering from Hikikomori.

My hope is that young women and men can find their way past the depression, pain, and isolation, and find solace in each other and hope in their resiliency. Sometimes breaking open is the only way to move forward.

More Quarter Life Love!

2009-04-03T20:56:00.002-04:00

Ok, so I'm totally loving this new channel, "Current". On the channel, there has been some brilliant videos from comedian Billy Rich. It's called the A-Z Guide to Your Quarter Life Crisis. I heart this guide, the videos are funny and often true. Amazing! So, quarter-lifers, enjoy just a little bit of humor with your unemployment and disappointment.

http://current.com/topics/88869855/a_z_guide_to_your_quarter_life_crisis/default/0.htm

Mental Health on the Decline....

2009-03-12T15:59:00.003-04:00

I only have a quick minute but I thought this was important! I just read an article on USA Today online, which stated some statistics from a national mental health poll. The survey, it says, is done almost every day. Here are some of the highlights from the poll's results, as reported by USA Today:

•Stress shot up over 2008, peaking in the fall and winter as the economic crisis deepened, then continuing high through February. The 10 least happy days of 2008 all were in the last quarter.
•Emotional well-being overall dropped, too, driven largely by declines in mental health for the poorest people.
•Americans' moods were ultra-sensitive to economic news. Well-being plunged on days when the Dow lost big and with reports of high jobless claims.
•A state's EHI (Emotional Health Index) correlated with high rates of death from ailments such as heart disease, says Gallup analyst Raksha Arora. States with a lot of open space or sunshine — Hawaii, Alaska, Wyoming — had some of the best emotional health even as the economy sank. Many poorer and Rust Belt states — West Virginia, Ohio, Kentucky — were worst off.

I see many women who are unemployed at the moment, or who's partner has recently lost a job...I know how the economy and worries over financial stress are affecting our well-being. These findings do not surprise me at all...So, know that you are not alone, and that we're all in this together. We'll find our way through! And, supportive therapy can really assist these feelings. Seek solace in each other, know that your fellow humans are also suffering and that the only constant is that this, too, will change!

Top Five Ways to Survive the Rest of Boston's Winter

2009-03-09T07:47:00.005-04:00

I hate to have to say it again, but I've been rather lax in my blogging and web updates. This winter, our home has had our fair share of colds & flu, stomach bugs, minor ice-related injuries, and pet illness stemming from the ingestion of foreign objects.

Through it all, I've mostly kept it together. And, this weekend, I didn't even wear a jacket. I thought, "YES, we're almost through the other side"!

But then I woke up this morning to another three inches of the white fluffy mess. Many of my clients have reported feeling the same: "I don't know if I can take winter for much longer".

So here are my top five ways to survive the rest of winter:

Get Away-if you can, plan a small (or large!) get-a-way. http://www.kayak.com/ Somewhere a little warmer, something to look forward to, and a little bit of hope that it gets better.
Visit the Isabella Stuart Gardner Museum. http://www.gardnermuseum.org/ The courtyard is filled with green plants and light. Makes me feel like I'm in the middle of some Italian villa. Serenity now!
The Museum of Science Butterfly Garden. http://www.mos.org/exhibits_shows/current_exhibits&d=673 Again, it's darn near tropical in here, and when the sun is shining, even the coldest winter day feels like Hawaii. Little winged critters are all around, some even landing on your shoulder if you're very still. Benches are provided so you can sit and soak up the warmth and transformative nature of the butterflies!
Get a massage. http://www.bodyworkrevolution.com/ Sometimes the energy in our body is just stagnant, and needs to be moved around. Massage and body work can be a great way to do this. There are many massage schools in Boston that offer discounted rates for sessions. So sign up to relax and bring some coconut massage oil!
Learn to meditate. http://www.cimc.info/ Sometimes, even though we are ready for spring, we need to just learn to be with what is. Meditation is my favorite teacher of many of life's lessons, and can improve all sorts of physical and emotional stress. Get on the cushion and let yourself relax!

Well, there you have it, just five small ways to get us to spring. Remember, our one constant is that everything always changes. Namaste!

Happy New Year!

2008-12-28T15:55:00.002-05:00

Happy 2009! Let's find ways to make this they best year ever, setting realistic goals for ourselves! Many of us struggle during the holiday season, and it's helpful to take time out to really consider what we want for our lives! We've spent some time with family, over-stuffed ourselves, over-extended ourselves, and maxed out our credit cards....how do we even begin?

Well, first off, when we make resolutions, we tend to do that thing where it's "all or nothing". Like, "I'm going to give up chocolate". Well, we all know that by 9AM on New Year's Day, I've already had a chocolate pop-tart, and I'm figuring out ways that this doesn't really count against my resolution because it's breakfast chocolate....right?

So, this year, I think it's important for us to be as clear and concise as possible, and to set up some small changes that might make life a lot better.

Here are some of my resolutions for this year! I'll report back from time to time to let you know how it's going:

Go on more dog walks. He looks at me with those big brown eyes, and how can I say no to a leash, a tennis ball, and my sneakers?
Spend more weekday time with my family. I noticed that this year, I really let this go, saving family time for the weekend when I was finally...busier than during the week. So, this year, more weeknight dates!
Find more active things to do! Often with friends, I'm seeing movies and eating dinner...why not play tennis or swim?
One journal entry a day-one sentence, even one word, creates a space and time to reconnect with myself.

I think these are smaller, more realistic lifestyle changes that I can commit to. How are you going to take care of yourself this year? Maybe it's starting therapy! I wish you peace and clarity for a happy, healthy 2009!

"I'm thankful for..."

2008-11-20T12:31:00.002-05:00

A long standing Thanksgiving tradition in my family (and most others I suppose), is to go 'round the table, and say what you've been thankful for. This is perhaps one of my favorite parts of T-day (besides the Turkey leg), so it got me thinking....why not do this everyday?

So, waaaayyyy back last November, I began a small but thoughtful "gratitude list". I cannot recommend this exercise enough! I would simply write two or three things down as they came to me. When it was a good day, it was easy. When it was a bad day, it really made me ponder life, and find joy in something-even if it was just a good song on the radio or my dog.

The list keeps me focused and helps me to remember that usually, things aren't so bad. It's fun to look back on the list, and relish these thankful bits. Taking time out to appreciate these things helps you to naturally be mindful of them in your everyday life.

Get a small portable notebook, and start listing things you are thankful for today. Don't look for the big overarching ones-see if you can notice a small detail that makes you smile.

In honor of Turkey Day, here are some of my favorites from my personal list:

Melancholy rain
Getting up before anyone else
Getting lost with my dog
The salad bar at Russo's
Making actual food with my oven & stove
Not having any time to watch TV
Frothy frozen coffee drinks
The way my cat crawls under the covers with me

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Most Helpful Sites...

2008-10-29T03:30:00.004-04:00

It's been awhile, once again! My practice has been blessed with many new clients, and our puppy has been growing and growing....which means I've had less and less time! However, I did want to address an issue that I see come up again and again!

Many times, when you move to a new place, there is no environment carved out for you to meet new friends. Unless you are particularly social, or love your co-workers, it can be a daunting task to re-invent your social network. Even if you've lived here for a while, there can come a time when meeting new people is just what the doctor (or therapist) ordered!

Which is why I've been recommending two things to just about everyone:

http://www.meetup.com/

Meetup is a wonderful social networking site that doesn't feel date-y. It's not about finding Mr. Right (although it could lead there)-it's more about finding your book club, your knitting circle, your running partners...those peeps you are just missing here in your new city.

http://www.bcae.org/

My other recommendation comes from years and years of singleness-I loved, and still love learning. Boston and surrounding towns have amazing Adult Education! From cooking to yoga, from pet psychics to self help, adult education has everything you need to keep your mind fresh and meet folks who have the same interests!

So, now that winter fast approaches, get out there and sign up to meet like-minded gals! Everyone needs someone to play with!

Back To School!

2008-09-07T19:42:00.004-04:00

It's been quite a while since I've done a new post, and the summer days are getting shorter and shorter....I'm noticing the sun gentley settling outside my window right now, with the faintest breeze blowing. And my mind drifts towards sharpened pencils, pink pet erasers, and composition books-that's right, it's back to school time!

More so than New Year's or birthdays, 'back to school' was always a time of promise and renewal. I couldn't wait to get going, get started studying and burying myself in books. But, this great hope did not come without a tiny piece of dread...and anxiety.

So now, as I see those bright yellow school buses rolling past, I harbor that anxiety somewhere...in my backpack next to my pencils maybe. But I try to remember that the summer was fun, and now it's time to get back to work. Many of you also have that anxiety present-remember to notice it, honor it, and let it go. It served it's purpose back when you ate fluffernutter for an entire year. And now, you are a grown up and in more control.

Expect more regular posting here, and thanks for the great summer. I myself am actually headed into a 9 month Certificate Program in Meditation and Psychotherapy! Can't wait to get out my books and pencils, and study hard.

Gloucester's Mommy Dearest Issue...

2008-06-22T15:37:00.002-04:00

I recently read on Time.com that several female students under the age of 16 in Gloucester, MA made a pact to become pregnant together. Seventeen girls have been reported pregnant in the school (four times the number from last year). School officials seem to have no solution to this issue. The fathers of these babies are mostly in the their twenties-one is even homeless.

The school has declined handing out birth control without parental consent, making it that much tougher for a girl to make an informed choice about sex.

It's up for grabs as to what would make teens with promising futures choose a path so fraught with strife...unless their futures aren't so promising. Gloucester is a small fishing community, an industry that is struggling to survive. It's tough to say how much this is impacting the decision making of these girls. Maybe they can't see a better option for themselves than motherhood.

Motherhood; with the promise of unconditional love and all-encompassing attention. Practically all of "young Hollywood" is pregnant. Movies tend glamorize the struggle of young single mom ('Juno' & 'Knocked Up'). But are these girls seeing the other side of the job? Late night feedings, croup, and STILL getting at least a B average in Algebra?

Somewhere, the missing pieces inside these girls are not being recognized. Inside them must be a loss so great, a void that they feel can only be filled by the fantasy of nurturing an infant. We must recognize that these teens are telling us something HUGE with their actions towards beomcing parents-and right now, Gloucester is not listening.

I hope this is a wake up call that moves us towards change-a change that involves listening to what our teens can't say in words and must instead express in actions. Let's hope all of our communities can learn from Gloucester's teens, and we can begin to offer them other choices to feel loved and accomplished than babies of their own.

The Mind Is Like A Puppy...

2008-06-18T13:57:00.002-04:00

So we got this big guy last week, and I have to tell you, I have experienced a complete lifestyle change-I'm outside more, I'm walking more, I'm noticing all the things in my home that can be chewed...it's interesting, to say the least.

But my first observation about this new creature in my midst is the truth of a Buddhist philosophy about meditation. "The mind is like a puppy..."

This statement is in reference to what it is like for us to sit and meditate-not focusing on anything but our breath. And, as someone who meditates daily and utilizes the principles of mindfulness in practice with my clients, I always found this statement kind of charming and whimsical...

Until I got the puppy. My 'puppy mind' mirrors my puppy dog exactly! They both love exercise and treats, long walks, and lots of pets and affection. Try to get either to sit still for a moment and you'll find that it's very VERY easy to get distracted! The puppy mind is all over the place, no manners, jumping up on people, sniffing trees, and in general, unable to pay attention!

Lo and behold, a liver treat-and my puppy is suddenly alert and ready to focus on my commands. I believe our mind can be similar with just a little direction...try telling your mind to "sit" and "stay", and watch yourself begin to be mindful. As you focus on your breathing, remember the other aspect of puppy mind-it loves to learn like a great big sponge. Everything is new and wondrous, and an opportunity for growth. And, as my partner says, "for puppies, everything is "Oh, my favorite"!

So I am embracing puppy mind, and my puppy. Remember to focus on your breath and pay attention, and the rewards will an obedient, loving friend for life. When the mind wanders off to play in an open field, redirect it back to the breath. Embrace your puppy mind.

2008 Alternative Health Guide

2008-05-14T09:29:00.003-04:00

Wether you're looking for a Yoga Instructor, a dietician, or a....therapist (me!), the 2008 Alternative Health Guide is the place to find them! See if you can find me-it's kind of like "Where's Waldo?"!

http://digital.spiritofchange.org/spiritofchange/2008_healthguide/

Postpartum depression: Is medication really the answer?

2008-05-07T13:09:00.006-04:00

This article was given to me recently by a good friend, and I thought I should pass it a long, and tell you my thoughts!

Postpartum depression: Is medication really the answer?
By Jeanné McCartin
features@seacoastonline.com
The baby blues is an old term; chances are your grandmother used it. It's a fairly common occurrence; a few days or a week or so of mood swings, crying jags, restlessness, feelings of loneliness or angst, and then you're back on track.
But for some it lingers. Weeks turn into months. Many suffering choose not to share their state of mind, feeling there is something wrong with them; maybe they aren't nice people. Let's face it, when that bundle of joy brings deep sadness it's not what one expects, making the entire reaction all the more frightening and confusing.

These cases go beyond the blues smack into postpartum depression, a little known, little understood occurrence till recent years. Today we believe it's real.

Jessica Says: Well well well....it's nice to be validated! OF COURSE it's real!!! Any woman who has kids can tell you that!

N.H. Gov. John Lynch has designated May "Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders Awareness Month" and a group of local women has launched The Seacoast Postpartum Adjustment Group, which meets Tuesdays at Portsmouth Hospital.

Jessica Says: I think it's great that Lynch is recognizing how important this issue is to us! Let's see if we can do the same in every state! Definitely ask me if you would like more info on local resources for PPD!

The usual course of treating postpartum depression is talk therapy and antidepressants. University of New Hampshire health psychologist Kathleen Kendall-Tackett says research is about to change that as well.

"I've been lecturing since the early 1990s and after the Andrea Yates case there was a huge change in interest ...; and public awareness," says Kendall-Tackett, a researcher at the UNH Family Research Lab and author of the new monograph, "Non-Pharmacological Treatments for Depression in New Mothers" (2008, Hale Publishing).

Yates was convicted of capital murder in 2001 for drowning her five children in the tub. In 2006, on appeal it was ruled Yates was not guilty by reason of insanity. Yates suffered from postpartum psychosis, not postpartum depression. (Postpartum psychosis is rare; occurring in one or two of every 1,000 births). But the Yates case opened the public conversation and awareness of postpartum depression — till then a condition lumped into baby blues.

"Every year I think this will be the last I do lectures on (postpartum depression) and it's not proven to be so at all. There's a ground-flow of interest," Kendall-Tackett says.

She is the chairwoman of the New Hampshire breastfeeding task force and is an international board-certified lactation consultant. Her current research interests include the impact of maternal depression and the psychological aspects of breastfeeding. Her research and many involvements have taught her that women experiencing postpartum depression need to address it. It's also apparent that they don't always take the needed steps and that there is a need for more than the usual medication solution.

There are numerous reasons women don't come forward, she says. There's the sense of shame and guilt for not being overjoyed, or at the idea of being depressed. But for some, it's a matter of not liking the cure.

Jessica Says: YES, there are lots of reasons women don't come forward, and for many, a cure is not even on the radar. Because of the gross misunderstandings regarding PPD, and the lack of screening, moms continue to remain silent about something that could be TREATED! Break your silence, and fight for the help you deserve!

The oft-prescribed anti-depressants may prohibit nursing.
"You have a lot of women that don't seek treatment because they think they'll be told to wean their babies," Kendall-Tackett says. "Some medications are compatible but they still don't want to do it. What are you going to do? Leave them depressed?"

Kendall-Tackett says she's never been a fan of prescriptions as a first line of treatment. Depression is serious and does need to be addressed quickly, she says. But there are other, safer alternatives to start with that are often all that's required.

"I've had an interest in this for a long time. I've never liked the way ...; we hand a prescription to these women. It ignores the realities in these women's lives," she says. "There's been an explosion of looking for alternative treatment."

In her monograph Kendall-Tackett outlines the options and reviews evidence to support alternatives. —¦we have more evidence-based, non-pharmaceutical options than ever before," she notes.
Top on her list are omega-3 fatty acids. "It's filling the need for a lot of problems, not only depression but inflammatory illnesses such as heart disease and diabetes. There's a lot of research that supports its (effectiveness)."

Others are bright light therapy, exercise, social support, psychotherapy and the herb, St. John's wort.

"Basically you have an array of things you can try," she says. "And most can be combined." The exception is St. John's wort, which should not be introduced with medications. "Otherwise you can combine and come up with the treatment plan that hits it on all levels. A lot comes down to preference. But the nice thing is there are a lot of ways to treat depression."

Jessica Says: When treating PPD, or any mental health issue, it's often a combination of therapies that work best. I always attempt to incorporate and try many holistic and Western techniques, to get the best results for clients. It's good to hear that the mainstream is embracing this eclectic approach.

It is important to get started as close to onset as possible she adds. And while it's a good idea to inform your health caregiver of what you're doing, all the alternatives may be part of a self-help plan. "And that's appealing to women that don't want to reveal they're depressed."

But she does add an important word of caution. If you're not feeling noticeably better in three to four weeks, or if the depression is severe, you really should be seen by a doctor right away, she says. "Within the mild or moderate range they have a little more time to work with alternatives. ...; But if you haven't taken a bath in three days ...; if it persists, go see your doctor."

Jessica Says: Definitely see your physican, but be aware that they may not have the best tools to help you. Often an MD will prescribe as a first line-and while this is changing, this practice widely remains the norm. Please contact me if you are intrested in a holistic approach to treatment, and remember that your feelings are valid-getting the help you need should be easier, but if you seek out the proper treatment, feeling better is just around the corner.

Gwyneth's Depression

2008-04-20T07:46:00.004-04:00

Recently, I read about Gwyneth Paltrow's bout with postpartum depression. She details her experience in the latest issue of Vogue. It is amazing that she has had the strength to not only come through her depression on the other side, but to also share with the rest of the world her experience.

So many of us look to celebrity culture as some sort of measuring stick for our own lives. Whether we mean to or not, we're bound to check out how our lives compare with the stars, at some point or another. With so many of Hollywood's women having babies lately, it definitely made me wonder-are they immune to postpartum? Are they missing any sleep at all? Why don't their sweatpants have any spit-up on them?

I think about this especially when I see new moms in the flashy mags like People's story on J-Lo and her twins. Her hair and make-up were done *perfectly*, and her little contented babies looked peaceful and serene in their bajillion dollar home. Everyone looked rested and angelic.

Anyone who's had a baby-especially twins-knows that this was a scene created in Hollywood as entertainment for the rest of us.

So Kudos to Gwyn for putting herself out there. She states that, like so many of us, she did not even realize she had post-partum depression until she was coming out of it. Clearly, this could be a case where no one even questioned her about it-did anyone even bother to ask??

I hope more of Hollywood begins to portray a more realistic view of what motherhood is, and how we as women can, through our shared experiences, become a link of strength for one another...instead of shoving it under the rug, throwing a smile on our face, and posing for People Magazine.

If you're a mom who's feeling depressed, please don't wait to talk to someone about it. If you can't find a provider in your area, let me know, and I can try to point you in the right direction. There is help available, you just need to reach out!

Sunday Night Anxiety...

2008-04-13T14:31:00.002-04:00

One thing I've noticed more and more are the amount of women that experience a little thing I like to call "Sunday Night Anxiety". The process goes like this: By Friday at 4PM, your weekend has begun. You are ready to relax, hang out, maybe see some friends...Saturday morning arrives; maybe you have some chores to do. When Sunday hits, you've slept in, grocery shopped, cleaned the floor, watched a bad Lifetime movie-when SUDDENLY, out of no where, you are smacked in the face by a terrible, horrific case of SUNDAY NIGHT ANXIETY!!!

Not even a good episode of the Simpsons can quell this anxiety-your palms sweat, your thoughts swim around with all the things you have to do this week: "wake up by 6am, hit the gym, be sure to pack lunch, must check email before I go in just in case the boss needs something on the way, find a decent parking spot, work on the six reports I left on my desk on Friday when I just couldn't wait to get the heck outta there..." Sometimes an upset stomach follows, followed by the most dreaded symptom of Sunday Night Anxiety: INSOMNIA.

Insomnia is the hallmark of this awful syndrome. It sets in just as your exhaustion level peaks...Sunday night, around 10:30PM. Nothing can help you now, as you stare endlessly at the clock, 11, 12, 1AM...

Many of my clients have battled this kind of anxiety and WON. There are a lot of reasons why this kind of anxiety happens; some of it has to do with the insanely busy and successful lives we have created for ourselves. Some of it has to do with being a woman, and the additional needs we place on ourselves even when we are supposedly 'relaxing'. When we are on the go ALL the time, our mind has difficulty turning to the "off" position, particularly when we are getting ourselves all psyched up to go into the work-week.

There are several ways my clients deal with this-and, of course, different techniques work for different people. Here are some of the ones that are most commonly helpful:

Have a definite start to your weekend-develop a little ritual that says "Now the fun begins!"
Plan for at least one relaxing, fun activity-a night out with friends, dinner with a loved one-something you know you can look forward to.
Don't disrupt your sleep schedule too much-staying up too late or sleeping in too much can set the stage for your Sunday Night Anxiety!
Start your bedtime ritual on time on Sunday, and develop a pattern of what this looks like (ie, have healthy dinner around 6PM, go for walk around the block after, make lunch for Monday, put all work-related items by the door, set up cereal bowl on counter, lay out clothes for Monday). The more prep you can do for your week ahead, the more your mind can relax as you drift off.
Don't become a clock watcher-and definitely don't watch TV in bed.

But most importantly, remember that no amount of anxiety can really give you any control over what your week will be like. All you can do is prepare yourself for a little ride, and know that another weekend is just around the corner! Remember to talk it out with good friends-I bet if you check around a little, you'll see that quite a few have the same issue...

So I'm off to watch the Simpsons and make my lunch...Ha!

Connecting to The First Blog...

2008-04-05T19:56:00.003-04:00

I've been thinking a lot about ways to connect lately, which is why I thought a blog would be great-now I can connect with lots of folks from all over!

Connection keeps us grounded, rooted in the people and things that we love. Often enough, we find ourselves lost...in our stress, in our lives, and in our minds. We circle endlessly around and around, trying to find our place. We feel distracted, messy, and out of sorts.

I remember, not too long ago, in the dark of the night, stumbling sleepily to my bathroom...only to find that the light was not working. This was not convenient. I tried everything I could to get it to work (flicking the switch several times, yelling to my cat for assistance, checking lights in other rooms for positive assurance that the power was indeed working-it was). Finally, I gently reached up, and felt around for the light bulb-it was loose. Not 'connected' in the socket. Without this exact contact, this connection, the bulb and socket could be really close to each other-but no cigar. As I twisted the bulb into place, the warmth of the light touched my hand. Connection.

So I think about this as I start my blog, and about our human need to connect. As we fumble through our day, feeling anger, stress, and sadness, we can almost always pinpoint this back to a root of disconnection. Like the light bulb in my bathroom at 2AM, we are sometimes so close...but maybe we need a little help to get connected. And that's why I think therapy works. Therapy can be the helping hand that plugs you back into your roots, your sense of connectedness with yourself and with others!

So think about what keeps you grounded and connected, and what things disconnect you...make an effort to minimize the disconnections in your life. Stop ending up in the bathroom in the dark. Let someone help you plug-in, and get back to yourself.